Single but Whole

 By: Aneva Walker

Being single isn’t easy, not for the likes of us who have chosen the path of the straight and narrow. The safer path, the unpredictable, exciting and scary path. A string of words that seem a bit contradicting, but isn’t it true? Singleness isn’t the disease that the world has made it out to be. True singleness that is. I’m not talking about those who shack up or sleep around, that’s not singleness that’s selfishness. You chose not to commit yourself to another but you take for your own pleasure. Many will find offense but truth is not always a pretty thing to look in the eye. Sometimes, the truth is ugly.

I know many of you out there who have also chosen the walk I have, know exactly what it is like to war within yourself on the road of right and wrong. Trying to focus on God but still fighting the longing for a sweet companion. Something came to me today as I began to think about my future…a life with my husband…or a life without one. I understood the word, the scripture that talks about wives desiring or longing for their husbands. It’s bittersweet. Marriage is beautiful and those who wish to be married and are not, singleness can become painful. A prison in its own way.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. I know that is something I have always desired since I was a small child. But I never wanted to place my heart into the hands of someone who didn’t know how to handle it. Women! Stop allowing men to guilt trip you into rushing things. You don’t have a time limit on marriage or children. God holds time in his hands and if you are praying for a lover, friend and a forever companion in addition to God than allow him to bring you two together. We are so reckless with our love, that we take beatings in our minds, hearts and bodies to possess something we think is love. Love is never ugly. Why? Because God is love, and God is all things beautiful and perfect.

When we touch love, we have a tendency to misuse it. Like an interesting gadget that we’ve seen the more mature folk use. We want to possess it as well, yet do not understand the risk or the responsibility it holds. Love is far more complex than most can really imagine and yet very simple in its definition. Think about what makes you love someone or something? Is it the appearance, the words, the gestures, the actions? All these things do strike our fancy but is it love?

What makes you love God? Is it his character of grace and mercy? The untiring, unrelenting love he gives to all, regardless of the wrong done. Is it, the moments when you have lost all hope and he sends you an unexpected gift to show he hasn’t forgotten you? What makes you love God? Is it the fierceness of his wrath when evil touches his beloved or the gentleness of his touch when he wraps you in his presence? God is all this and more and yet we forget. We write our long lists of what we want in a man or a woman and we forget that we have touched perfection. That the very essence of God lives within us and we have felt and seen true, unmarred love.

This isn’t to say that wanting to be married is a bad thing, because it isn’t. God created it. But hating the single life, the true single life, is. We have to understand that we really aren’t alone in this walk. Not just say it and wave our hands high, shouting and dancing around a church. We have to truly believe it. Remove every doubt and fall in love again with the true lover of our souls. God gives us gifts and marriage is one of them, it is not a replacement for him. Remember that! Learn to tap into the relationship you already have. Put effort in your relationship with Christ. Can you be a good woman to the man you already have? Can you be a good man to the savior you already have? Or are you waiting for someone else to experiment on with your worldly view of love? God can teach you what love is. Given his only begotten son Jesus Christ who knows exactly what it is to pine after someone who doesn’t love him back. He knows the pain, the sorrow and the hope of love. How do I know? Because he chose you to love!

This is not an incentive to get all weird and creepy. All things must be done decently and in order. God has a mate for each of us who have the desire for one. He has crafted them just for us. But his love won’t allow us to come together just to tear each other apart. Learn from the master of love. Learn what it is like to live in the presence of another through the good, bad and ugly times in life. Learn what it is to be amazed by generosity and cleverness. God is a well of wisdom and knowledge. When you go to him you can be tutored in true love. Be dressed in fine cloths and well-spoken like a true princess or prince. Know you’re worth and the worth of your mate. Get ready to love the right way.