The Lady in White

By: Aneva Walker

I never knew love until I met a man who was love embodied. He was tall, handsome and seemed to glow with love and light. He smiled at me and offered himself to me. I was overcome by shame because I knew I’d done some bad things in life and I didn't deserve this man. I told him just as much and then he told me, what he had done for me. He told me about the wicked one, the one who was equally stunning but deadly. He told me that this man wanted me just as badly but not to love me and raise me up but to destroy me. He said he had a choice to make and he told the wicked one he would take my place and he died. I was shocked as I looked at this beautiful man of light. I reached out and touched his white robe, felt the flesh beneath it and knew he was real and alive.

“I don’t understand,” I told him. He was breathing, standing right before me and yet he said he had died. He told me that the power of love reaches beyond the grave, that his love for me was stronger than the grave. “I rose”, he says. “My father who is all powerful, brought me back and now I’m here to claim you as my wife.” I shake my head, glancing down at my torn dress and mangled shoes. He wanted to marry this mess? He places his hand underneath my chin and lifts it. He gazes deep into my eyes and says once again, “I want you.” My eyes fill with tears and I shake my head emphatically. “I’m a mess, I don’t deserve you. You’re perfect and I’m…” He stops me in mid-sentence and puts his hands out before me. “Look at me, really look at me.” I look down and I see beauty and light. “Look beyond the surface.” I wipe my eyes and gasp. Deep, ugly wounds stare back at me and I am in shock. I look back up at him, my lips trembling. “Who did this to you?” Part of me ready to fight the horror who could hurt such a man of love. He smiles, seemingly knowing my thoughts. “My love, all this was for you. I am perfect but I am not without scars. I wanted to take on this load, I wanted to know you better.” He touches my cheek tenderly. I realize I want his love and yet there is something inside of me that still feels unworthy, dirty, not good enough.

He watches me intently, reading me as if I were an open book. “I will let you think about it, but I will not leave you. I will always be here for you when you need me.” I smile at him and walk away. When I walked away I soon ran into another man, who exuded charm and sexual splendor. I was enraptured by him. He looked a lot like me, ragged and down to earth. His clothes wasn't so perfect, his hair just a bit unruly. He was like me, more approachable. We spent a little time together and I begin to feel uneasy. I felt like I was cheating on the man of light. I hadn't told him that I would marry him but still, that love drew me. As if the charming man knew my thoughts he told me that no man would ever let me choose to leave them if they really wanted me. I thought about it, thought about the romance movies I saw and how the man ran after the woman he loved. I looked around but I didn't see the man of light. He did tell me he would never leave me…so where was he? The charming man grinned, his dark eyes twinkling. “See him?” He asked. I shake my head. I couldn't see him but strangely I could feel him and a sadness overcame me.  I told the man of charm that I needed some space to think and I could see that made him angry. He said, “He won’t take you back, not after what we've done together. Look at yourself.” I look down and I realize that my body is barely covered, dingy strips of cloth barely cover my breasts and my privates and I am exposed. My feet are bare and covered in dirt. He was right, I was in no way ready to return to the man of light. I was unclean and almost naked. I stepped back from the man of charm and then I ran. I needed to think and he wasn't letting me. I turn to see him chasing after me, but no longer was he a man but a wolf, fangs exposed. I realized I was his prey and he wasn't going to let me easily escape. The man of light’s words echoed in my mind, I will never leave you. If you need me, I will be there. I screamed out his name and suddenly I was no longer running but in a white room. Wispy white curtains billowed back in forth in a gentle, warm breeze. The floors beneath my feet were plush, white carpet. I was amazed that the dirt from my feet didn't stain the place. I was afraid to sit down and rest, afraid for the man of light to see me. I paced the floors until my tiredness overtook me and I laid down to sleep.

I woke to find the man of light lying beside me. He was stroking my hair with a brush, taking away the kinks and tangles. He said nothing, didn't condemn me for leaving him, he simply

brushed my hair. I felt strange and I wanted to pull away, the simple gesture of love made my heart ache. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't have left.” I say, choking back a sob. The slow slide of the bristles through my locks had me sighing in contentment. He was quiet for a while then said. “What you did hurt me, but I knew you would come back when you were ready. I wasn't going to force you to love me…or want me.” I wanted to scream that I did want him, I just wasn't right for him. I was, I was broken. Soon my hair flowed effortlessly down my neck and shoulders. It moved melodically with the breeze and I became even more aware of my near nakedness. There was even dirt under my fingernails. I was in desperate need of a pedicure. The man of light interrupted my train of thoughts with a question that made me pause. “Do you trust me?”

I wanted to say yes instantly and emphatically, but I would be lying. Although, he saved me not once but again and again, I still wasn't sure. Somehow I felt I had to prove myself to him, make him see that I was worthy to be his wife. What if he decided he fancied another and didn't want me anymore? I was afraid of being hurt, being punished by him. I felt his hands on my shoulders and a warmth emanate from them. I turned to see tears in his eyes. The smile he gave me was full of sadness. “I will never hurt you, never leave you or forsake you. I would die a million deaths if I needed to, to have you as my wife. You don’t need to be perfect to be mine. Those are lies from the man of charm. He wanted you to believe that I couldn't love you in any and every state.” “Look at me!” I scream, trying to pull away. He holds me close and nestles his face in my neck. “I am and all I see is your beauty.” “I’m not beautiful.” I protest. He pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “Is that the lies the man of charm told you? Did he say I wouldn't want you because of how you are now?” I nod, feeling even more disgusting. I wanted him to stop looking at me. I wanted that smile that spread across his face to disappear. “Oh, foolish woman, don’t you know that dirt is only a temporary thing. Everything the man of charm puts on you can be erased by my hands and my love.” The man of light slides off the bed and stretches out his hand toward me. “Come.” I place my hand in his and he leads me to the bathroom. It is large and glorious. The tub is like a crystal blue lake, pearly white steps lead down into it. He slips off his robe and comes to me. I take in the man who says he is mine and I his and am astounded. I expect him to say and do the things the man of charm did, but he does not. He respects me. “Do you trust me?” He says again. When I nod, he removes my dirty garments and I am naked before him.

He looks upon me like I am a treasure in the rough. A diamond without imperfections, is a diamond without character. He is the jewel expert and I am his treasure. He leads me into the water. My feet are covered, then my thighs, then my chest. Like ants dispersing from a wave of danger, the dirt leaves me and I am clean. He is smiling at me and the joy he feels is contagious. I thought that this would be the end of things. That we would leave the tub and return back to the room but he stops me. He takes perfumed soap and begins to cleanse me further. He is gentle and loving and I am overwhelmed. My legs feel weak and my heart full. I know he is changing me and that I will never be the same. He washes my hair. His fingers massaging my scalp. He kisses my forehead and strokes my locks. I sigh. I feel safe. It has been a long time since I felt safe in a man’s arms. “Do you trust me?” He asks. “Yes.” I say. He pulls us beneath the water and when we break the water’s surface again there is no evidence of my past. I am glowing. I look down at my naked body and see only beauty. Now I understood, this is what he saw. How could I have been so blind?

He leads us out of the water and into the bedroom. He dries me off and perfumes my body and lathers me in butters. My skin is soft and lovely. He smiles, as he reaches and hands me a dress and undergarments. Put these on. My eyes fill with tears as I stare at the glorious wedding dress and the dainty, feminine undergarments. He leaves the room and allows me to dress, something I find odd, since he’s already saw me at my worst. When I am dressed, he re-enters the room and stretches out his hands. “You were always my wife, but you simply needed time to realize that. This ceremony is for you, for me and for my father. I especially want the man of charm to see you now. I smile. I wanted the same. The room disappears around us and we are at a church

surrounded by glowing guests. I see his father, who looks proud and also emanates love. In the corner of my eye I see the man of charm. He is sneering in anger but he does not approach me, he seems afraid to. As the ceremony moves forward the fury of the man of charm comes off him in waves. He tries for me then and my now husband turns to protect me. His eyes are lit with fire, “Get thee hence Satan,” and in an instance the man of charm disappears. My husband turns to me and gathers me in his arms. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel free!

“I love you Jesus,” I whisper.

“I love you too, my lady in white.”